Moohead Radio

It wasn’t pretty, but Delonte finally played basketball, and LeBron sucked it up. But big problems lay ahead.

Sasha was seen icing his foot. He had been benched By Mr Potato Head. Wally is all but benched. He has no arc on his shot. The big deaf guy will never play. Dwayne Jones does not play. Ben Wallace seizes up when he plays. Boobie limps off the court.

We were down to 6 man rotation last night. We were lucky we didn’t get run off the floor.

It looks to me as though Wally and Sasha have played their way off the floor. Without Boobie, that leaves D West and Devin. West better start thinking “shot” first.

Meanwhile, with home court on the line, the pimp Eddie Jordan said this after losing in OT: “It’s just funny that a defensive guard and a rookie guard makes the big scoring plays and our veterans were struggling a little bit,” Wizards coach Eddie Jordan said.

Why does that surprise you, Eddie? Your veterans have led you down the alley to get mugged every year. When was the last time Antawn Jamison brought his team to the playoffs? Brendan Haywood? Please. You don’t even want Arenas out there. Pimp.

We’ll be following the Tribe home opener today (if it stays dry) on the show today at 5PM!

So much for Mr Prognostication. As Memphis has won….and Davidson loses, it’s only 2-2 for a Cow. Worse yet were my UNC predictions of doom. I am out of spins. I was wrong.

Thank God I’m not a Washington State or Gonzaga fan. Moo.

This from ESPN.com:

The NBA’s reigning Most Valuable Player isn’t prepared to say when he’ll be ready to play again, although we continue to cling to our prediction here in Dimedom that he’ll be back in less than the originally forecasted two weeks.

In the interim, Dirk Nowitzki was happy to take a brief pause from his around-the-clock ankle rehab and the Dallas Mavericks’ increasingly perilous standing in the Western Conference playoff race to help us with our MVP ballot, which is due in to the league office in exactly 20 days.

The official ballot requires voters to rank their selections from 1-to-5. The following choices reflect Nowitzki’s top-5 order entering the season’s final 10-ish games, as well as mine.

Nowitzki’s No. 1: Kobe Bryant(4-4 without Gasol…fucking Nazi)

Weekend Dime ranking: No. 1

Kobe’s standout stats: 28.3 ppg, 6.2 rpg, 5.3 apg, 1.88 spg, 46.0 FG%

Dirk’s comment: “He’s the best player in the game and he’s never won it before. He’s had his injuries, his team [has] had injuries and they’re still right up there in the West. They just beat us without [Pau] Gasol and [Andrew] Bynum. I think this is his time.” Editor’s comment…Dirk…you’re 0-8 against the last +.500 teams you’ve played. Beating the Mavs means ZERO.

WD assessment: Best Player In The Game status is not enough for us. Ditto for Best Player To Never Win The MVP Award status. Bryant answers to both, but you could just name him MVP on opening night if those were the primary criteria. Editor’s comment: How in the fuck did he jump back ahead of LeBron going 4-4 and scoring less, assisting less and rebounding less?

The MVP has to have the best overall season to get our vote.

On this scorecard? With about 10 games to go, Kobe qualifies there, too. Editor’s comment: Huh? How has his season been better than LeBron’s?

As stated in this cyberspace a few weeks back, Bryant is basically doing everything we’ve been imploring him to do since Shaquille O’Neal left the Lakers. Dock him points, if you wish, for all the drama Bryant created from late May through Halloween, but credit him for his unimpeachable focus, leadership and ferocity from the moment Lakers management told him on the eve of the season opener against Houston that he wasn’t going to be traded.

Working in the conference of the century and possibly carrying the league’s greatest expectations — all while drawing more attention from opposing defenses than just about anyone going — Bryant is playing the best team ball of his life while playing at an MVP level individually. At both ends.

Just last week, L.A. won in Dallas and Utah without Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol, amid claims by Bryant’s detractors that he wouldn’t be up here in the MVP reckoning if Memphis hadn’t dropped Gasol in the Lakers’ laps on Feb. 1. Bryant has to get some credit for Bynum’s development as well as Pau’s fast transition to a new team because his rivals in the MVP race are all getting the same kudos for the effect they have on their teammates. He’s winning like he hasn’t won since Shaq was a Laker, which is what separates this Kobe from the MVP outsider of the past three seasons. Editor’s comment: So…based on 2 games he’s the MVP. He gets credit for Bynum. They lost every game after those 2 wins. Fuck you, asshole.

Nowitzki’s No. 2: Chris Paul Hey…it’s Mr Bandwagon Nazi

Weekend Dime ranking: No. 2

CP3’s standout stats: 21.6 ppg, 11.4 apg, 3.9 rpg, 2.71 spg, 49.4 FG%, 37.3 3PT%

Dirk’s comment: “He’s a beast. I don’t care how big he is. He’s a beast. That high screen-and-roll they run, you can’t guard it. They’ve had an amazing season.” Hmmmm….9 less per game, 3 more assists even though LeBron’s a forward, no rebounds, and less than one more steal per game. Shoots the same percentage as LeBron. Fucking dominant.

WD Assessment: If Bill Simmons and I agreed on anything during our all-day podcast earlier in the week (see Box 4), it’s that Paul has to win this thing if the Hornets finish with the best overall record in the West. So…it’s his team that gets him the award. Put his ass out there with Sasha and Devin Brown. Right.

Has to.

Even after all of the above slobbering over Kobe, how can you deny Paul if the Hornets — New Orleans? — win the most competitive conference race ever?

Let’s face it: Paul has been the season’s best point guard in a conference overflowing with great ones. Even if he doesn’t become the first player in NBA history to average at least 20 points, 10 assists and three steals in one season, he’s going to be the league’s first 20-10 guy since Tim Hardaway in 1992-93. He’s also averaging a ridiculous 4.5 assists to every turnover — not bad for someone who only has to make the play on every single possession — and has powered New Orleans to a record of 5-1 in its games against Paul’s three main MVP rivals (Lakers, Cavaliers and Celtics) entering Friday night’s visit to Boston.

However …

If the Hornets don’t win the West and the teams stay pretty close record-wise, I’m sticking with Kobe. (Great! One game out of first and the midget is toast. More great ESPN analysis) Amazing as it is that the Hornets are even in the running for No. 1 in the West given that they’ve yet to play a playoff game in the Paul Era, Bryant has the tougher job (at least to me) because of all the double- and triple-teams and junk defenses that he (and LeBron James) has to see, and those higher expectations. No one ever said this job was easy, either.

Nowitzki’s No. 3: LeBron James

Weekend Dime ranking: No. 4

LeBron’s standout stats: 30.7 ppg, 8.1 rpg, 7.3 apg, 1.83 spg, 48.5 FG%

Nowitzki’s comment: “When he puts his head down and goes to the basket, he’s so strong that he does whatever he wants. And he’s starting to take games over in the fourth quarter. He’s the future of this league. He’ll win plenty of MVPs. I wouldn’t be too worried.” Editor’s comment: When YOU put your head down, Dirk, Cuban gets very excited.

WD assessment: It must be some race if a guy basically averaging 31, 8 and 8 can’t finish higher than third. (Or fourth.)

But that’s the sort of race this is.

The Cavs have been playing short-handed all season thanks to contract issues early and injuries throughout. The big trade Cleveland swung at the trade-deadline buzzer likewise hasn’t even lessened LeBron’s load yet, with Ben Wallace hobbling and Wally Szczerbiak struggling to make the midseason transition. Translation: He has shit for team mates

The fact remains, though, that the Cavs are in a much easier conference yet are on pace to fall short of the 50 wins they’ve recorded in each of the past two seasons. (I’d say LeBron did his part) Surely you haven’t forgotten the oft-recited stat — applied to LeBron and at various points over the past couple years — that reminds us that Moses Malone stands as the last MVP from a team that failed to win 50 games … all the way back in 1981-82.

It’s true that Cleveland might be on a more impressive track than 46-36 had LeBron not missed five games from Nov. 30 through Dec. 8. (Translation: Let’s ignore a total revamp of the roster in the last 40% of the season and countless injuries) But Kobe missing almost no time with a hand injury more severe than LeBron’s can’t help James’ case, even if the Cavs were simply taking advantage of the luxury they had in the easier East to play it safe and give their franchise player some bonus rest.

Team success has always been a major variable with us because the ultimate value in any individual’s season is how much winning goes with it. Is it reasonable to expect Cleveland to have a better record in the East than its current mark of 23-19? Even accounting for all the issues mentioned above, I’d say so.

Final analysis: Dirk Nowitzski didn’t deserve the award, and the faggoty ass Kraut doesn’t deserve this column. He and Mark Cuban can circle jerk one another while Avery Johnson watches. While Don Nelson gives it to Cuban anally.

OK. I took the antibiotic to make sure I wouldn’t be graded by the fucking USDA. I suggest all cows take Z-pak. My cough is diminished, and I am back on the tennis court!!! With my chronically torn ACL and grade 4 arthritic knee. I’m gonna take somebody out on the court.

Unfortunately, my renewed strength will be tested by the Cavs Pistons game tonight. I hope I don’t vomit all over my plasma set. With Boobie back, perhaps we’ll see less of uhhhhh…..less of….

Come to think of it, I don’t know whose minutes should vanish. I’d like to see Boobie and Wally in at the same time. I guess that means DJ sits. Until we need a last second 3.

Now I’m reading a new rumor: LeBron is going to Davidson in 2010. Jay Z has quietly become a financial contributor there, and now LBJ is seen openly cheering them WITHOUT a Yankees hat on. Michael Wilbon’s take:

“Mr Moohead, apologize for the comments you made on your Friday show about African Americans and education. You need to go to Davidson, asswipe”

Stephen A Smith chimes in:

“I’m angry. About something. This Curry kid should change his name. He sound like Indian food. Get a real “brother” name like Lakwanda. And cornrows. I always thought Tiger Woods shoulda changed his name to Jamunda Woods”.

Charles Barkley:

“This sound like another Cow pie thing. He crazy. LeBron’s SAT scores ain’t high enough to get into Davidson. I seen that Vogue cover. Them sorority white women better hide in their dorm if the “Vogue” LeBron is on campus. He seriously gonna take it to the hole. Many times.”

(Editor’s comment: WTF is wrong with “I’m sorry”? If I can apologize to my wife for being a fat fuck, these guys should be willing to give an apology to each breast)

Here’s their statement:

“TSA acknowledges that our procedures caused difficulty for the passenger involved and regrets the situation in which she found herself,” the agency said in a statement. “We appreciate her raising awareness on this issue and we are changing the procedures to ensure that this does not happen again.”

The female TSA agent used a handheld detector that beeped when it passed in front of Hamlin’s chest, the Dallas-area resident said.

Hamlin said she told the woman she was wearing nipple piercings. The agent then called over her male colleagues, one of whom said she would have to remove the jewelry, Hamlin said.

Hamlin said she could not remove them and asked whether she could instead display her pierced breasts in private to the female agent. But several other male officers told her she could not board her flight until the jewelry was out, she said.

Hamlin was taken behind a curtain and managed to remove one bar-shaped piercing but had trouble with the second, a ring. She said the officer gave her pliers to remove the ring, a process which caused a physical pain.

His young hoof is extended. Kiss it. Not me…..Someone kiss his damn hoof.

As stated by a Cow, WSU could not hit 3’s despite a solid defense, and Xavier’s experience carried them through. Now we’ll see how games 3 and 4 turn out. Moo.