Moohead Radio

I have given Matt Underwood 75% of the season to get his shit together. It’s his first year of doing play by play on TV, so I went easy on him. After all, unlike John Sanders, he remains awake during games. Unfortunately, Matt makes mistakes by the bushel. And it’s getting worse.

When he opened an inning yesterday with “Welcome back to Minnesota”, I’d finally had it. If you don’t know your own city and ballpark, then you’re totally lost. And Matt is. It has gotten to the point that Rick Manning sounds irritated whenever Underwood comes up with an odd stat that some producer has written out for him. Last night, Matt was handed a card with information about the 1981 triple play started by Toby Harrah. Underwood sprung it on Manning, turned the card over and said “there’s something on the other side of the card”. Manning, of course is thinking “you dumbshit, now everyone knows you’re getting fed this shit…you know nothing”. But the real fun is that Underwood didn’t read the back of the card before he said there was something on it. The result?

Manning asks “OK..what’s it say?” But we never found out. Why? Because the producer didn’t want it read on the air. Part of the message was “don’t read this on the air”. The rest probably said something like “Toby Harrah also liked it up his ass” or some other joke. But Underwood damn near read the thing. Fortunately he started at the beginning, which read “Don’t read this on the air”. So Matt just said” Oh,,I’m not supposed to read this on the air”. By now, Manning is perplexed.

Underwood doesn’t know a curve from a change up. Fultz struck a guy out on a change, Matt says it’s a curve. Manning sits silently. How many outs are there? Don’t ask Matt. He’s not paying attention. he makes more errors than Hector Luna.

I will, again point out, that Michael Reghi is still in town, and is a far better play by play man, with 7 years experience with the Orioles. He would not make these constant errors. I think it’s time STO takes a long look at this.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that
he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the “OTHER SIDE” of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his
“CURRENT” problems before adding “NEW” problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going
to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but
we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can
see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the
rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain
truth?” That’s why they call it the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other
side.” That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as
simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
check book. Internet Explorer is a integral part of eChicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^( C .. … reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

Reverend Ted lost his church for paying a male prostitute for sex. He now says he has been “cured” of his sinful ways, is NOT gay, and is moving on. Four months ago the Haggard family moved to Arizona, and last week, Haggard informed KRDO of his newest life decision: to minister to “the homeless, those coming out of prison, recovering alcoholics, drug addicts, prostitutes, and other broken people” at the Phoenix Dream Center halfway house, where the Haggard family will also live. Haggard and his wife, Gayle, now members of Phoenix First Assembly (the “church with a heart”), are also enrolled as full-time students at the University of Phoenix. Minus his $138,000 salary, and with the depressed real estate market preventing the sale of his $700,000 house, Haggard will have trouble making ends meet. So, Haggard asked KRDO reporter Tak Landrock (see below) to help him line up “people who can give a one-time gift or make a commitment to help support us monthly for two years.”

Here comes the weird part.

Haggard wrote Landrock that supporters can mail checks directly to the Haggard family at their Scottsdale, Ariz., address, but that if contributors wish to make their donations tax deductible, as they very likely will, they can make out their checks to something called Families With a Mission and write on the check that it is designated for the Haggard family. Ninety percent of these funds will then be forwarded to Haggard, while the remaining 10 percent will cover Family With a Mission’s “administrative costs.”

What the hell sort of charity is Families With a Mission? According to online records for the Colorado secretary of state, an organization bearing that name and the same address supplied below by Haggard was dissolved voluntarily in February of this year. No permanent Web link to the record for Families With a Mission is available from the secretary of state’s Web site, but you can look it up here; click on “business center.” You can also find it reprinted here on the Web site for the Stranger, a Seattle-based alternative newspaper, whose editor, Dan Savage, broke the story with help from a Stranger reader named David Coffman.

Wait, there’s more. Savage and Coffman verified that the name and address of the man identified by Colorado’s secretary of state as “registered agent” for Families With a Mission match the name and address of a man named Paul Huberty, who is listed online as … a sex offender!

Click here to go to the page with Nugent’s video. Watch the vids and then read this:

BY RICHARD ROEPER Sun-Times Columnist

So Ted Nugent roams a concert stage while toting automatic weapons, calls Barack Obama “a piece of —–” and says he told Obama to suck on one of his machine-guns. He also calls Hillary Clinton a “worthless bitch” and Dianne Feinstein a “worthless whore.”

That Nugent, he’s a man’s man. He talks the talk and walks the walk, right?

Except when it was time to register for the draft during the Vietnam era. By his own admission, Nugent stopped all forms of personal hygiene for a month and showed up for his draft board physical in pants caked with his own urine and feces, winning a deferment. Creative!

Ah, but that was a long time ago. Nugent isn’t just a washed-up rocker — he’s a right-wing madman who’s not afraid to call out some of the leading Democrats in language so vile it makes the Dixie Chick Natalie Maines’ comments about President Bush sound like a love poem.

You’d think even someone such as Sean Hannity would dismiss Nugent as a macho clown, desperate for attention.

Yeah, right.

In a discussion on his show last week, Hannity refused to condemn Nugent’s remarks, saying, “I like Ted Nugent . . . he’s a friend of mine,” and even laughing loudly as Alan Colmes read the transcript of some of Nugent’s remarks.

Funny. I don’t remember Hannity being so cavalier about the Dixie Chicks went they criticized Bush.

Not that he’s operating under a double standard or anything.

Story One My favorite.

Story 2 Surprised it didn’t happen to LeCharles Bentley.

This is really good. Doesn’t work with hooves.

How much does this Happen, Really.

Hold it a minute. IMMATURE? Strangling and drowning dogs?

Little Timmy screams when he doesn’t get candy. That’s immature. You tape your ex girlfriend giving head to some guy and send it to her Mom. That’s immature.

Charles Manson was not immature. Nor was Son of Sam. Neither is someone who kills for vindictiveness or pleasure.

The word is monstrous. Murderous. Sick. Violent. Unfeeling. Callous. Michael Vick is a killer. And a liar. And evasive about his true nature. So we are to believe that as he grows older, he will learn not to be a barehanded killer?

This is just another deflection of accountability. Why can’t Vick just say “I’m sick and I need help?” Because he’s immature? No. He is not accountable. And that makes him more dangerous than a killer who has acknowledged his condition.

Mel Gibson isn’t anti semitic. He’s an alcoholic. Ted Haggard isn’t a gay reverand. He’s on his way to becoming a counselor (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,294538,00.html).
Clinton did not touch that Lewinsky girl. Rafael Palmeiro didn’t know how the steroids got into his body. On and on and on.

Here’s what I think. We lock Vick up until he admits his sickness. Then we get him clinical help. Then we let him work his way back into society…when we feel our pets are safe around him.

Kevin James