Moohead Radio

“Hey…look…I don’t give a fuck. Really. I wave my dick at Mike McDougall. Faggot Scotsman. He can blow my bagpipe. But I ain’t mad. Fuck no. I’m happy. This is ecstacy, you dumbshits. I make my money whether we win or lose. I roll around the dugout in my roller chair, and laugh my ass off at the fairies we put on the field. No rap against Jermaine Dye. He just sits there in the 9th looking at fastballs. I think it’s fucking hilarious. Let’s bring up the AA players. I can’t wait ’til I see those smelly losers. Tell Kenny Williams that he can give me a bunch of special ed students out there. They read signs better than our guys. And they’re retards. Did Garko’s ball take a bad hop? No. God is punishing me. He wants me to bend over and spread cheek. I ain’t gonna. I don’t care how many bad breaks we get. I ain’t taking it up the bung. I’d blow a monkey before I get butt reamed. Do I feel comfortable bringing in Mike McDougall tomorrow. Hell yeah. Bring his ass in and shoot him with a fuckin’ Uzi. I’ll pull the trigger. I’m gonna go back to the hotel and jerk off. At least I know it’ll end better than this shit. We need a fucking laugh track like one of those sitcoms. We’re funny. Pierzynski is a hoot. He pisses in the hot tub. Great clubhouse guy. I wanna chew razor blades. I’m outta here.”

Who needs UFC when we can watch one woman crush another woman. Brutally.

Anyone with eyes can see the good news. Two things stood out yesterday in Chicago:

1) The offense is an honest to God NFL offense
2) The team played with intensity

Now for the other stuff

1) This honest to God offense is not ready for the regular season. Due to its complexities and shifting, the Browns still seem puzzled getting players on and off the field, and getting the sets right. In the first half, all 3 time outs were wasted this way. Not just one QB. All 3. Be prepared for growing pains, with a lot of illegal set and shift penalties in the first 4 weeks.

2) Charlie Frye still stares down one receiver. The 3rd down pass to JJ was a prime example. The pocket was perfect, and Frye threw to the first option (which the CB had jumped the pattern) without even looking elsewhere. Frye threw it out of bounds. In a real game, you can’t give up the football on 3rd down with that kind of protection. Someone HAS to break open if the QB is patient.

3) Derek Anderson still forces passes into double coverage. Yes, he’s more patient in the pocket (and gets sacked more). But once again, Anderson couldn’t produce 7 in the red zone due to short meaningless passes, and a ridiculous force into the end zone that should have been picked off.

4) The OL is so improved, it actually looks like pro football out there. QB’s have time to throw, and runners can pick holes because the OL actually hold their blocks. Even blown up running plays went for 2 yards instead of minus yards as in years past. There is a surge on goal line blocking. Amazing.

5) Josh Cribbs ran wild on something resembling the Bears. Turn the cameras on, fill the stadium, and we’ll see how he catches them. This was a good start. We’ll see if he can continue to vertically return punts without blaring side to side quickness.

Here’s the ultimate dilemma. There is no doubt in my mind that Quinn is the right QB for this offense. But he really isn’t ready for it yet. Frye and Anderson are never going to be able to move the sticks enough to score TD’s. Frye is inaccurate and foolhardy. Anderson is a directionless cannon. The receivers lack open field speed and we will need the scheme to get them open in 8-12 yard chunks. We need an accurate arm out there.

The really good news: Check out this PD headline…

Dawgs win preseason finale I guess we’re the Dawgs again, folks!

With JJ Putz in the bullpen, the Mariners pulled a rabbit out of a hat Thursday, and brought Rick White into a pressure packed situation. The rabbit, it turned out, was old and palsy ridden. White couldn’t hit a location on a US map, and 2 Indians sat with their bats on their shoulders en route to a 6-5 win over the Putz-less Mariners (moo).

“I see Father Time come in game, and I wonder what the fuck for”, said a dejected Mariner catcher Kenji Johjima. “That beard…who take man serious who dye beard?”.

Eric Wedge was philosophical. ” I guess there comes a time when a man either grows grey or gay. White went with the Fire Island look. I thought he looked good out there, although the guys in the dugout were afraid the old coot might fire one in the dugout.”

Walking Franklin Gutierrez was bad enough. But why leave Colonel Sanders in there against a lefty? “I saw Mike Hargrove in the stands and wanted to do it differently than he would have” said manager John McLaren. “Grover woulda won that one with JJ. I figured we could win it with an old gay guy with a lousy colored beard.”

Kenny Lofton was thrilled when White remained in the game. “McLaren probably thought it would take too long for White to exit the field with his walker”, reasoned Lofton. “That peckerwood needed a compass out there.”

Rick Manning said it best: “Some guys are wildly effective. Some guys are effectively wild. This guy sucks Buffalo dong.”

Matt Underwood’s call added suspense to the exciting finish. “Why is Lofton going to first on ball three? Who’s gonna close for us here in Seattle?”

Read story before you view this

Take top poster and pass to the left.
Following those instructions, hundreds of Hilliard Darby High School football fans fell into an elaborate prank on Friday night.

When they stood up during a football game against cross-town rival Hilliard Davidson High School and held up squares of construction paper, they thought they were spelling out: “Go Darby.”

But from across the field, Davidson fans read the actual message:
“We suck.”

Hilliard Davidson senior Kyle Garchar masterminded the trick at Crew Stadium and suffered an in-school suspension for it.

Garchar, 17, even produced a videotape for YouTube. The video had been viewed more than 3,400 times as of last night.

“That was the ultimate in-your-face,” said Jordan Moore, a Davidson junior. “I think it was ingenious.”

Moore didn’t go to the football game but quickly learned about the prank at school on Monday. Everyone was talking about it, and they still are.

The war of words between the two Hilliard schools started before the game. On Friday morning, someone painted an obscene message about Davidson on the school’s parking lot.
The rivalry is particularly intense this year because it’s the first year the schools have competed on the football field.

“It’s made friendships go sour — just over this game,” Moore said.

Besides the three days of in-school suspension that Garchar received for the prank, he also has been banned from participating in any school activities for a semester.

For Garchar, that’s the rest of his high-school career. He’s finishing school early and moving to California, where he plans to attend college for engineering.

His girlfriend, Danielle Jewell, and their friend Jen Trimmer helped with the prank and got the same punishment.

Some students consider the penalty harsh and want to organize a petition in an attempt to help them.

Garchar isn’t too concerned.

“If you’re going to do a senior prank, you want it to be remembered,” he said yesterday.

Days before the game, he and some friends brainstormed on ideas for a prank and a friend suggested the “We suck” trick. They’d seen it done before, when Yale University students pulled a prank on archrival Harvard University during a 2004 football game.

“I saw it could be done, so I just wanted to see if I could do it,” Garchar said.
He spent about 20 hours over three days plotting it.

First, Garchar went to Crew Stadium to shoot a picture of the seats. Then he made a grid so he could figure out how the words could be spelled out by having fans hold up either a black or white piece of construction paper.

“It was tedious,” he said. “I didn’t really think it was going to work.”

But when he talks about it now, he can’t help but smile.

“I just think it was hilarious.”

Davidson Principal John Bandow wasn’t as amused. He called Garchar to his office first thing Monday morning.

Bandow had told students that he expected them to show good sportsmanship at Friday’s football game.

Stephen Bell, a Darby freshman, said he was facing the field Friday night. So he missed the big moment.

“It was sneaky, knifing and downright clever,” he said yesterday as he walked to football practice. “But we’ll get them back.”

In one sense, Darby already did — the team won Friday night’s game, 21-10, ending Hilliard Davidson’s winning streak. Davidson was the Division I state champion last year, having won all 15 games.

For many Davidson fans, the most memorable part of the game wasn’t the score but the prank.

“It’s going to be legendary,” said Andrew Eusebio, who graduated from Davidson last year. “No one is going to forget about it.”

And today’s secret ingredient is….PENIS!

Baseball, Tennis
Hey, These 2 guys are Good.

Well….Nick Punto can’t hit. And he can’t bunt. And Ron Gardenhire is hot about it. “That squat to pee sissy just cost us a ballgame”, said the normally reserved troll. “I should drown the son of a bitch…or strangle him to death….Look…no pit bull reference intended. At least those dogs went down fighting.”

While Gardenhire infuriated all PETA members, Matt Underwood continued to stumble incoherently on the air. “If CC gets that call, he’d be in the dugout right now”…unfortunately there was only one out at the time. “What the fuck are you talking about, buttmuncher?” asked a peeved Rick Manning between innings. “Get that weak shit outta my pressbox.”

“Which pressbox?” asked Underwood. “We are in Minnesota, right?”

Back in the Twins dugout, Carlos Silva spread his ass cheeks in front of Punto. “Hey puta…how’s about a rim job?” jibed Silva, keeping the levity high in the dugout. Punto grabbed a bat, swung and missed Silva by a foot.

The Twins are now 8.5 games behind the Tribe. “Well…the casket doors are nailed shut” said a dejected Ron Gardenhire. “I told you before the series we weren’t dead yet…I was fucking dreaming. I forgot about Punto. I guess worms are eating our flesh now. We are decomposing. Worm shit. We’re worm shit.”

For the record, is Bruce Drennan Chinese, or does he just squint all the time? Is that the look of a man who spent long days in the shower in prison? He looks like he hurts. They don’t use KY in prison. Dirt road. Hershey highway. I LOOOOOOVE YOU CLEVELAND!!!